I can do bad all by myself

Posted on April 17, 2012. Filed under: My Lemon Recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

ImageI love Tyler Perry!  I just got through watching this movie again, and remembered why I enjoy his movies.  There was an article in the winter edition of Ms. Magazine, discussing the “problem” with black women.  The argument goes that black women have difficulty finding suitable black male partners.  The article examines speculation on what some feel are the reasons why and the author refuting those views.

Apparently, some believe that it is the woman’s fault on why they are not partnered.  Some say it’s being too picky, too unforgiving, too hard-hearted, too INDEPENDENT.  One commenter, sadly, commented that women should try to treat their men better if they want them to stay around, further implying that someone else’s behavior is somehow their fault and responsibility.  Maybe you can sense where I’m about to go with this…

.1.  You have got to love YOU.  In the words of Tyler and RuPaul (no coincidence), “If you don’t love yourself, how the hell is someone else going to love you?”.  The first gauge of what love is, comes from within.  There are children posting videos, asking others if they find them pretty.  You have to love YOU, and accept YOU first.

2.  You will have “Ugly Duckling” moments, listen closer to those that call you a swan.  Nobody’s perfect in everyone’s eyes, but pay attention when you get a compliment.  This is a clue into what others see good in you.  It’s not 100%, but it provides insight and a potential to not only enhance a trait, but to solidify that beautiful thing about you into your persona.  I’ll talk about Ugly Duckling in another post.

3.  Be careful what you call love.  Fish sticks don’t taste like lobster tails and king crab, don’t get it twisted.  Once you get a sense of self and what love within is, don’t you dare mislabel it with someone else.  Love can never be substituted, it must always be, and remain authentic. Someone causing you pain doesn’t mean it’s love, it means you have emotions attached.  Am I loving you if I smack your shin with a hammer? You have to distinguish if the act is helpful or harmful.

4. Love is evolutionary.  When my partner entered my life, I realized my blessing through grace.  I also realized that to thrive, there would be moments of evolution.  Love doesn’t backslide, it has to move forward getting better and stronger.  The evolution must be mutual and if things are not actively progressing, you may have a problem.    If love starts to backslide and both parties are not trying to bring it forward, you may be better off doing bad, by yourself.

I could not wrap up something so complex in a few lines, nor within my lifetime.  Love is a never-ending journey of the heart, but the journey starts somewhere.  We all have value and beauty, and we all are deserving of love.  Let’s start there.

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

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